today’s word: yeuk

yeuk: [v.] to itch; [n.] an itchy or prickly sensation; also “yeuky” [adj.]; a restless desire or craving; may be used to connote an itchy skin disorder such as scabies. Kulten Yeuk is the name of a minimal techno music sound. 

You were only an unmanageable yeuk
                                   for Fernando Pessoa

If I were to tell you I love you, or loved you
once,  what good would come of it? It was
only an intractable prickling, a hardship born
of emotional poverty and suicidal despair.
It was probably about the sex
but no, the sex was never very good
it could have been about reflection, but no that’s not quite it
I never wanted to look like you, and frankly, you never knew me.
It was about the thought that without you, I would be alone.
Isn’t that hilarious? I’ve always only wanted to be alone.
For decades, I was trapped by others’ desires, absurd conventions
that parents and teachers and friends and therapists
wanted for me. For Chrissakes, leave me alone! I was always
shouting. Oh no, that is not love my friend
and I never loved you. If I lie to you, will you leave
me alone already? Ok then, I once loved you, perhaps
I really did, yes, I think I did, but love has turned
to be a very different thing than I once expected.


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