word-poem:\\ leaving the barn door open

On leaving the barn door open

if you fear your losses
leave the barn door open
so you won’t be disappointed
when the horses are gone

Leonard Cohen danced me to the end of the block
and then holed up for six years in a zen monastery
afraid of losing nothing, which he never found

I missed him sorely as I missed my son
after he was kidnapped
seven close friends who have died
scores of patients I have nursed
although, shamefacedly, I rarely miss mom or dad
which is how I learned about the barn door
and accepted that matter and energy are neither

when the physicists changed up on me
with their quantum astigmatism
and I failed meditation 101
never able to sit zazen without a chortle
still haven’t learned to use my inside voice

I know it is foolish to taunt fate
when the upshot of so much loss is: I don’t know
what to salvage anymore.

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