word-poem:\\without reason

without reason

how can I write today, I’m so weary
thankful to have some paid labor yesterday
worked 8 hours, slept 12, if I had to do it again today
I’m not sure I could
stunned to think how folks do what they do
at my age, imagine still preferring to be someone else
with either more talent or more stamina
I trust that a mother can lift a car off her own baby
meaning I could do a lot more if I needed
but how to define what’s essential these days
I don’t need this life at all
live alone by choice
don’t want to be a caretaker, even though I’m a nurse
and get paid for caring
you might think I’m generous, but you’d be wrong
it’s the exhaustion I don’t understand
is fatigue born of selfishness, illness
or just a lifetime of desire
to spend my days alone
writing poems?

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